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Incline Village, Lake Tahoe, Nevada
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Fifth Grade Assignment
Children in Church
What is Butt Dust?
God's People Do Have a Sense of Humor!


From the comedian Robin Williams, who is an Episcopalian, on an HBO special:

10.  No snake handling
9.  You can believe in dinosaurs
8.  Male and female God created them; male and female we ordain them.
7.  You don't have to check your brains at the door
6.  Pew aerobics
5.  Church year is color-coded
4.  Free wine on Sunday
3.  All of the pageantry - none of the guilt
2.  You don't have to know how to swim to get baptized

and the NUMBER ONE reason to be an Episcopalian:

1.  No matter what you believe, there's bound to be at least one other Episcopalian who agrees with you.

Fifth Grade Assignment

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in 20 ways to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:

God is like. BAYER ASPIRIN He works miracles.
God is like. A FORD He's got a better idea..
God is like. COKE He's the real thing.
God is like. HALLMARK CARDS He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like. TIDE He gets the stains out others leave behind. ...
God is like. GENERAL ELECTRIC He brings good things to life.
God is like. WAL-MART He has everything.
God is like. ALKA-SELTZER Try Him, you'll like Him
God is like. SCOTCH TAPE You can't see Him, but you know He's there.
God is like.. DELTA He's ready when you are.
God is like. ALLSTATE You're in good hands with Him.
God is like. VO-5 Hair Spray; He holds through all kinds of weather
God is like. DIAL SOAP Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
God is like. The US POST OFFICE Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.
God is like. Chevrolet. . . .the heart beat of America
God is like Maxwell House. .... . Good to the very last drop
God is like. B o u n t y . .. . . He is the quicker picker upper. . Can handle the tough jobs. .. And He won't fall apart on you
God is like. The Energizer Bunny He Keeps Going, and Going, and Going.....

Children in Church

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

One Sunday in a Midwest City , a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus ? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin ?"

What is Butt Dust?

What, you ask, is "Butt Dust"? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it!

JACK (age 3)was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister... After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
STEVEN (age 3)hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"
SUSAN (age 4)was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough..."
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing ina restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked:"What happened to the flea?" Kids say the darndest things...

The sermon I think this Mom will never forget... This particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward Heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without You, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four-year-old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

God's People Do Have a Sense of Humor!

Humor Archive One
Humor Archive Two
Humor Archive Three
Humor Archive Four
Humor Archive Five
Humor Archive Six
Humor Archive Seven
Humor Archive Eight